Mom from Brazil shared a secret. How to stop a child’s tantrum by asking just one question

Author: Fabiana Santos

I'm not a psychologist or an expert on children's hysterics, I'm an ordinary mother of a 5-year-old daughter. Nevertheless, it seems to me that I found a "formula", which I want to share - how quickly to change the direction of the child's thoughts, which is about to start a scandal because of some trifles.

First a bit of our personal history. My daughter went to the kindergarten and was very nervous about it. She said she could never get used to the garden. At home, too, everything went wrong: Alice became increasingly angry and threw a tantrum literally for any reason, for every little thing. In the garden, we were advised to go to a child psychologist in the hope that this somehow normalizes the situation.

The psychologist really gave us a lot of useful advice, but one was just fantastic, and also very simple.I want to tell about him.

The psychologist explained to me what should be given to the children to understand - we respect what they feel. So, during a crisis, whatever its cause, it is necessary to help the child (this works with children over 5 years old) to think and understand what is happening to him. When we recognize their feelings and at the same time let them participate in solving the problem, we can thereby stop the hysteria.

So, the situation: the child is ready to start a scandal. Reason does not matter - the doll fell off his hand, it's time to go to bed, homework is not working or just do not want to do what you ask. We look the child in the eye and ask one question in a calm voice:

Is this a great problem, an average problem or a small problem?

When my daughter began to think about what was happening to her, it acted on her in a magical way, at least here at home. I ask this question, she answers, and we find a way to solve the problem, and the daughter herself suggests where to look for a solution. A small problem is usually the fastest and simplest. She considers some problems “average”. Most likely we will solve them, but not at the same second - it helps to understand that there are things that take time.If the problem is serious - and the fact that your child considers it important is absolutely impossible to ignore, even if it seems like utter nonsense to you, this problem will have to be given a little more time. Sometimes it is necessary to help the child understand that in life not everything happens the way we want.

Here is a recent case in which this method worked perfectly. We chose clothes for school, and Alice is usually very worried about what to go for, especially when it’s cool outside. In short, she wanted to wear her favorite pants, but they were washable. She started sulking when I asked: “Alice, is it a big, medium or small problem?” She looked at me and said quietly: “Little.” We already knew that small problems are easy to solve. I asked her to suggest a solution (I knew that she needed time to think), and she said: “Choose other pants.” I say: "And you have several pants to choose from." She smiled and went to choose other pants. I congratulated her on the fact that she was able to solve the problem herself, because it is very important to praise the child for coping, this will put the final end to the situation.

I do not think there are any magic tricks in the matter of raising children. To educate a child, to go through with him through all stages of development is a real mission. Yes, sometimes we choose the wrong path, then we must have the wisdom to turn back and try another road. After going through a lot of hysteria with my child, I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel and really want to share this find with other parents. I hope that this method works for you too.


Date: 09.11.2018, 19:24 / Views: 91385

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